Dreads

Around 3 1/2 months ago, I started dreading my hair. I realized that it was no longer an issue of commitment, as I've had dreaded extensions for almost 4 years previous to this.
I was telling myself that I was afraid of being held back, but I began to realize that I'd be where I really wanted to be regardless of something liked dread locks, and that if anything I was being more held back by (kick me for sounding so cliche but it's true) being something other than what reflected my true aesthetic self.
I know who I am and who I want to be aesthetically, I've been drawing this aspiration in pictures for years now. She appeared a long time ago, and it was a manifestation of myself. People have said that I my drawings look like me, but I explain that I look like my drawings....that I have become more like my drawings as time passes.
I thought it was kind of funny that in one of the pictures I took tonight the drawing behind me mirrors my profile:The drawing in the background: I actually have the gold earrings in the picture I drew, and I did get them after drawing it. I'm actually pretty proud that I have become closer and closer to my art. I think that as an artist it's a good thing to be in close enough touch with your art to embody it.

I had a really good night out with friends last night.
We ate dinner at the house of a friend named Ramsey, who is an excellent cook.
As Ramsey often does, he was encouraging me to try my had at some dishes and help him prepare ingredients. I was thinking about how I don't really like to draw so much any more, how I feel like I can't just cook effortlessly like I used to, how every time I have a house plant I feel like it's going to die.
I sort of wondered what that was about, why I feel a veil between myself and so many creative, intuitive activities.
I haven't been unhappy at all, I've tried a lot of new things lately, and i still write and love to dress up. It's not as though I'm having some existential crisis that is destroying my entire life by sucking out my creative soul.
But still, I suppose that a toll is taken by working two jobs, by pushing myself to be more successful and a bigger part of the community.
When I created art, cooked, worked with my plants...I think I was often escaping, turning my back on the world and being a little narcissistic. Creating everything in my own idealized images, thoughts, and forms. It was a very self-obsessed act.

And then, standing in Ramsey's kitchen, I was watching Kenny take his instruction on cutting up parsley, and just had a strange sense of release, of weight being lifted.

Some things I own that I like very much:

Dreams

I dream about houses a lot. I dream about running in old houses; houses with hidden rooms and peeling white paint on the walls. I dream often that the walls are shaky and the foundation is slipping. The houses are tall and spindly some times, and I have a mild vertigo as I climb the stairs, feeling like a drunk....disoriented and dizzy, off balance.
I dream that I don't believe that the house can stand, that it will fall around me and I'll fall with it, but I still strangely love it and can't leave it. In the end it's often all okay, and I feel a little stupid for having doubted it's integrity.

I See You There

In Response to The Zeitgeist Movement:

"The term ‘terrorist’ is an empty distinction designed for any person or group that chooses to challenge the establishment. This isn’t to be confused with the fictional ‘Al Qaeda’, which as actually the name of a computer database of the U.S.-supported Mujahadeen in the 1980′s.

In 2007, the Department of Defense received 161.8 billion dollars for the so-called global war on terrorism. According to the national counter-terrorism center, in 2004 roughly 2000 people were killed internationally due to supposed terrorist acts. Of that number, 70 were American. Using this number as a general average, which is extremely generous, it is interesting to note that twice as many people die from peanut allergies a year than from terrorist acts. Concurrently, the leading cause of death in America is coronary heart disease, killing roughly 450,000 each year. And in 2007, the government’s allocation of funds for research on this issue was about three billion dollars. This means, that the US government, in 2007, spent 54 times the amount for preventing terrorism, than it spent for preventing for the disease, which kills 6600 times more people annually, than terrorism does. Yet, as the name terrorism and Al Queda are arbitrarily stamped on every news report relating to any action taken against US interests the myth grows wider!

In mid 2008 the “US Attorney General” actually proposed, that the US congress officially declare war against the fantasy. Not to mention as of July 2008, there are now over 1 million people currently on the US terrorist watch list.

These so called “Counter-Terrorism Measures” of course had nothing to do with social protection, and everything to do with preserving the establishment amongst the growing Anti-American sentiment both domestically and internationally, which is legitimately founded on the greed based corporate empire expansion that is exploiting the world.

The true terrorists of our world, do not meet at the docks at midnight or scream “Allah Akbar” before some violent action. The true terrorists of our world, wear 5000 dollar suits, and work in the highest positions of finance, government and business."

If I had a nickel for every time some one on tumblr posted something to the effect of “don’t believe what that conservative/establishment tells you, believe what I tell you because I can blow your mind with perspective and statistics” but was being on just as shaky logical ground as conservatives...

Yeah. I’d be rich.

This person isn’t incorrect about their statistics, but there’s a lot about this that is just as knee-jerk paranoia as Glenn Beck. It's the “independent ultra-anti-government pseudo-anarchists who don’t trust authority” stuff I see on there, it's all over the place. It’s great that they want to put their two cents in and remind people never to believe anything blindly, but it’s a gaping fallacy to compare the kind of damage it does to a culture when people die from peanut allergies vs. several thousand people dying at a time because some one wanted them dead very badly. And let’s face it, if you’re not a fan of being told what to do or being threatened with violence and death by an ultra-conservative fundamentalist, May 1st, 2011 was a good day for you either way. Osama bin Laden was extremely serious about destroying those who did not believe as he did, so just because he’s not an evil we are used to calling out on tumblr every day in our comfortable progressive western existence, it’s not so trifling a matter as the threat of peanut allergies.

Sorry, I’m not trying to call these people out for sharing their opinions, but I really DO see so much knee-jerk anti-authority-don’t-trust-the-government fashion hipster nonsense on here and I think that half the time people saying it have never seriously considered that their insight might be better served repairing the system instead of unplugging from it, and this “don’t trust anyone in a suit” crap seems just a little too automatic for me. Especially when it’s in regards to the final defeat of OSAMA BIN LADEN. He was a guy who killed to defend an ideology against progressivism, feminism, sexual freedom, civil rights, and religious plurality. So yeah, I’d call him a terrorist and a pretty messed up person.

Those corrupt persons in $5,000 business suits came to furnish evil in their lives just as the rest of us do (even those without privilege): they let it seep in through weakness and greed. They had motive and opportunity and let their weaker influences lead them to turn their backs on victims they usually didn’t have to look in the eye. This is very bad, but it’s not on the same level as seeking to do violence against those who do not believe as you do. This is not the same thing as buying into fundamentalism against all the scientific information available to you today, and it’s not the same as this or this or this kind of evil. Period.

“The pieces of the bodies of infidels were flying like dust particles. If you would have seen it with your own eyes, you would have been very pleased, and your heart would have been filled with joy.”