Dreams

I dream about houses a lot. I dream about running in old houses; houses with hidden rooms and peeling white paint on the walls. I dream often that the walls are shaky and the foundation is slipping. The houses are tall and spindly some times, and I have a mild vertigo as I climb the stairs, feeling like a drunk....disoriented and dizzy, off balance.
I dream that I don't believe that the house can stand, that it will fall around me and I'll fall with it, but I still strangely love it and can't leave it. In the end it's often all okay, and I feel a little stupid for having doubted it's integrity.

I See You There

In Response to The Zeitgeist Movement:

"The term ‘terrorist’ is an empty distinction designed for any person or group that chooses to challenge the establishment. This isn’t to be confused with the fictional ‘Al Qaeda’, which as actually the name of a computer database of the U.S.-supported Mujahadeen in the 1980′s.

In 2007, the Department of Defense received 161.8 billion dollars for the so-called global war on terrorism. According to the national counter-terrorism center, in 2004 roughly 2000 people were killed internationally due to supposed terrorist acts. Of that number, 70 were American. Using this number as a general average, which is extremely generous, it is interesting to note that twice as many people die from peanut allergies a year than from terrorist acts. Concurrently, the leading cause of death in America is coronary heart disease, killing roughly 450,000 each year. And in 2007, the government’s allocation of funds for research on this issue was about three billion dollars. This means, that the US government, in 2007, spent 54 times the amount for preventing terrorism, than it spent for preventing for the disease, which kills 6600 times more people annually, than terrorism does. Yet, as the name terrorism and Al Queda are arbitrarily stamped on every news report relating to any action taken against US interests the myth grows wider!

In mid 2008 the “US Attorney General” actually proposed, that the US congress officially declare war against the fantasy. Not to mention as of July 2008, there are now over 1 million people currently on the US terrorist watch list.

These so called “Counter-Terrorism Measures” of course had nothing to do with social protection, and everything to do with preserving the establishment amongst the growing Anti-American sentiment both domestically and internationally, which is legitimately founded on the greed based corporate empire expansion that is exploiting the world.

The true terrorists of our world, do not meet at the docks at midnight or scream “Allah Akbar” before some violent action. The true terrorists of our world, wear 5000 dollar suits, and work in the highest positions of finance, government and business."

If I had a nickel for every time some one on tumblr posted something to the effect of “don’t believe what that conservative/establishment tells you, believe what I tell you because I can blow your mind with perspective and statistics” but was being on just as shaky logical ground as conservatives...

Yeah. I’d be rich.

This person isn’t incorrect about their statistics, but there’s a lot about this that is just as knee-jerk paranoia as Glenn Beck. It's the “independent ultra-anti-government pseudo-anarchists who don’t trust authority” stuff I see on there, it's all over the place. It’s great that they want to put their two cents in and remind people never to believe anything blindly, but it’s a gaping fallacy to compare the kind of damage it does to a culture when people die from peanut allergies vs. several thousand people dying at a time because some one wanted them dead very badly. And let’s face it, if you’re not a fan of being told what to do or being threatened with violence and death by an ultra-conservative fundamentalist, May 1st, 2011 was a good day for you either way. Osama bin Laden was extremely serious about destroying those who did not believe as he did, so just because he’s not an evil we are used to calling out on tumblr every day in our comfortable progressive western existence, it’s not so trifling a matter as the threat of peanut allergies.

Sorry, I’m not trying to call these people out for sharing their opinions, but I really DO see so much knee-jerk anti-authority-don’t-trust-the-government fashion hipster nonsense on here and I think that half the time people saying it have never seriously considered that their insight might be better served repairing the system instead of unplugging from it, and this “don’t trust anyone in a suit” crap seems just a little too automatic for me. Especially when it’s in regards to the final defeat of OSAMA BIN LADEN. He was a guy who killed to defend an ideology against progressivism, feminism, sexual freedom, civil rights, and religious plurality. So yeah, I’d call him a terrorist and a pretty messed up person.

Those corrupt persons in $5,000 business suits came to furnish evil in their lives just as the rest of us do (even those without privilege): they let it seep in through weakness and greed. They had motive and opportunity and let their weaker influences lead them to turn their backs on victims they usually didn’t have to look in the eye. This is very bad, but it’s not on the same level as seeking to do violence against those who do not believe as you do. This is not the same thing as buying into fundamentalism against all the scientific information available to you today, and it’s not the same as this or this or this kind of evil. Period.

“The pieces of the bodies of infidels were flying like dust particles. If you would have seen it with your own eyes, you would have been very pleased, and your heart would have been filled with joy.”

Golden Advice

Firstly, the situation at hand:
"Time to confront your demons.

Hell is our own creation. We cannot move forward in our lives without facing that which torments us. The more we understand and face our fears, the less power they have over us. Fear of failure may be preventing you from reaching your full potential. Look back at all that you have weathered in the past to see that you have the strength to survive if things go wrong. This may help you to realise[sic] that it is worth taking risks in order to do what you think is right. This is a card of temptation and perhaps addiction. Depending upon where it appears in a spread, it could indicate a need for the subject to question their own motives. Are they following a path deliberately that could be destructive?"

The Devil:

The path to resolution:
"Horses will only follow the reigns if they want to.

Leadership of a team. Pragmatism, collaboration and compromise. A victory obtained by working with others, not against them. It is time to analyse[sic] the causes of problems you encounter, and change what you can about yourself in order to overcome them. Changing one's own behaviour[sic] is more likely to succeed than trying to change the behaviour[sic] of others."

I think this so appropriate, and helpful. When applied to the situation I'm in(or more like coming out of), it rather reminds me of The Metamorphoses, considering how it was preceded by this:
The catalyzing action:
"Do what is right.

Fairness, justice and equal opportunity. Fate may aim to give all what they deserve, but sometimes she needs a helping hand, and the strong should help the weak."

Justice:

The Golden Tarot by Kat Black

Thank you, thank you for all the messages, the encouragement, the little indicators. Thank you for every sign that now is a time to improve my life and my action. By putting an image of the most indecent human nature in front of me, you made me understand that when it comes to living a moral life, what goes around comes around. And not just because we hope people get just desserts, "karma" is less about getting what's coming to you and almost entirely about maintaining, pruning, and upkeeping your moral heart.
I was already aware of this concept, yes. From Mengzi I had learned that we all have the seeds of virtue and vice within us, and that is those seeds that we nurture that determine our nature.
However, this recent experience made the dangers of failing to constantly check moral vigilance frighteningly clear. Life will always find a way to scare the pants off you by showing you a person, object, or situation that gives you a mirror to what lies in store if you follow your own worst inclinations.
While what I saw was immeasurably far off from where I could even imagine finding myself, it taught me an important lesson about always acting in a manner in which you can endure past the worst possible interpretations of your own behavior. We must not allow ourselves to lower our standards in the company we keep, for in order to tolerate them we learn to tolerate their values, and if we don't see eye to eye on issues so basic as kindness, honesty, and esteem, we can only hurt ourselves by back sliding. The more we let them shroud our instinct, the more our introspective mirror becomes shrouded, the more we gaze in the bitter glass, the more we are tempted by the whispers of subtle guile.
The more we nurture the seeds of deception and of denial, the more they grow to obscure the best of what we are. Please, to all those still putting up with the double talk, the entanglement, cut back the brambles before it becomes impossible. But it is never impossible.
Never have anything in your life that you don't want to know the truth about. It may sound preachy or redundant, but wait until you have the fear of a remorseless heart before you, ready to harm and tear asunder all that you take for granted, then the message is terribly cold and imminent.
The best way to avoid the situation The Devil card presents is to follow the message of The Justice card, with the confidence and initiative of the The Chariot card.

More Dreaming

Speaking of a specific Recurring Dream:
I was reading one of my favorite blogs, Angeliska Gazette: Black Honey from the Bee-Log, and saw she had a made a post about Recurring Dreams. One of the Recurring Dreams she mentioned was about secret rooms. At first, I thought to myself that I'd never had a dream like that, but then I read her description:
"I’ve had this dream since I was little,
of discovering secret rooms or chambers.
One of the first dreams I can remember,
I found an enormous cathedral-like theater
in the steeple of my church. Swooping
red curtains. An apt analogy for my young
mind to make, hmm? When I lived in
a tiny baba yaga shack with only one room,
I constantly dreamed that I would find other rooms
that always been there, behind walls or partitions.
Once I dreamt of a whole second floor!"

I started having these dreams after I grew older and began to live on my own. I didn't recognize her description immediately because my dreams were so much more adult and less fantastical that what she was talking about.
It had a yearning attached to it that was both wondrous and wanting, and in that way you only learn to want once you have known some level of poverty. It is not the same wanting you have in childhood where you are trying to find ghosts or fairies or passages through wardrobes. The dreams still have an element of fantasy and wonder to them, but that yearning that accompanies it is unique to my adult experiences.

I would dream that I was in my apartment and I would begin to wander. I would open doors and find gardens, extended rooms, extra floors, or an extension of the the complex I lived in.
Why did these dreams only start when I got older and began to live on my own, away from my parents? Do the represent some sort of recognition of my lesser means now that I support myself, a sort of anticipation of what will come once I am able to save for myself and afford better lodgings? Or something else?


My most recent version of this dream happened the other night, and took place in our current house.
I love our house. It is a Victorian duplex in a flavorful part of town. It is long and narrow, we have room for our things but it takes some arranging. Inside the house all the original fixtures and wood molding is intact, with carved runners in every room.


In my dream, we had found a way to expand the space in our house by rearranging the furniture, and our duplex turned into a huge, expansive mansion with high ceilings.
However, in the dream, the house was in a level of rather deep decay. We had minimal furniture, the rafters were all exposed, and it was dark and drafty inside.


Just as the interior state of our old house was exaggerated, so was the exterior. Outside I could hear all sorts of ruckus, and people were loitering around conspicuously in a way that I found very unsettling.

The house was mostly a brick red, like the one in this picture I found.

The neighborhood was in decay too. I was anxious and relieved all at once. I had a grand interior, but it was in poor condition. And I was high up above the fray but it was closing in and the doors were weak. It was such a strange dream, filled with a desire to shut out the world and yet to escape.

And yet, near the end of the dream the people I was so fearful of noticed the house falling and propped up the walls and fastened them in place as I hid inside the crumbling structure.

All I can think is that maybe the dream is about my own anxiety. That it's all too easy to see things in great exaggeration and let your perception run away with your good sense. You are suddenly fighting flight or fight, and next thing you know the things you're so frightened of weren't so bad after all, and have a way of resolving themselves if you are just patient enough, and open-minded enough to give events a chance to unfold.
I am definitely in a tense situation involving home right now, where I have to wait for the other shoe to drop before I can decide what will become of our situation. We have no to little control over what we're waiting to here on, and all we can really do is determine whether we will leave our home or remain. In the mean time, waiting to find out...it is better not to let anxiety bubble up and become a storm. If there's nothing you can do, then spend your time waiting enjoying what you have instead of fearing what you can't control. Or something like that....
What do you think? Have you ever had a dream like this, and if so, what did it mean to you?

Last night I had nightmares that a serial killer was stalking me for a reason I didn't know, and he/she was sending me the body parts of friends of mine that he'd killed or maimed.
The landscape of the dream was entirely white; in a white house, with white walls and white furniture, and every time blood appeared it was a horribly vivid splash. I woke up several times to find myself alone in bed, but I was too frightened, disoriented, and tired to find out where Poet was.
Everytime I went to sleep my dreams changed slightly, but everyone of them was about a monster or a man trying to hunt me down to torture and kill me. In one dream, there were monsters made of shadows, in another a man who was angry with my father was electrocuting me and strangling me, but no one really knew what he was angry over.

Finally, some time after the sun had risen, I woke up to see that Poet had returned to bed. After that I had one last dream. It was a little better than the previous dreams. I was in Hawaii with some family members. We are heading towards to the beach in a group, and I'm trying to snap pictures of everything in sight, but I'm having a little trouble with my camera and am getting mixed results*, and it frustrates me. As we get nearer to the beach, I realize we are in a tourist van, and an announcer is directing us to look toward the ocean so that we could see the whales. I look at the water and I see that the waves have frozen like a wall, and there are gigantic whales hovering right over crowds of people on the beach.













I start trying to take pictures, but my camera won't work and I can't get a thing. I'm getting increasingly frustrated, and I notice that we're getting awfully close to the water and that the whales are making a lot of noise, and all of a sudden the sea begins to suck us in.

I'm afraid we'll drown but the van fills with water and is tossed on to the crowd.
We scream for people to run as we fall, I see one woman who can't get out of the way in time. Some how I catch her with just the tip of my finger and am able to pull her up and into the van with us just in time.

After the crash, no one is hurt. But I am upset by the even and run off, away from the beach. I meet up up with a friend of mine, and he tells me I'm in danger, that there are dark forces out to get the "other part" of me. I ask him what that means, and he explains to me that we all have three parts: our bodies of which we are aware, and also our souls and minds that walk around outside us everywhere we go.
He explains that a friend of his warned him that demons were out and hunting down my soul, to take it away from me.We decide to find a local voodoo witch to see if she can help us. We drawn a mandala, and she receives us warmly.








She has warm brown skin and lives in a bamboo hutch where she renders her services to the needy.
We also give her a gift of tarot cards, but the dream ends before we are offered a solution by her.















After all that, I wake up feeling pretty shaken. But then Poet tells me that he stayed up all night because he wants to go to bed early tonight to be able to get up tomorrow morning for Thanksgiving with my family, and to be sure to wake him up again so he give me a ride to work.
And then I come into the living room and he's left me a note saying he bought me fancy bagels and brie for breakfast. And he's picking up furniture all by himself today, and he's meeting the repair man to fix the cable today.
If you had asked me how I could feel better, I probably wouldn't have been able to come up with a whole lot, and some how he does just the right thing to make me feel better, and safe, and cared for. For a huge part of my dreams last night I was just running around trying to find someone to help me, it's nice to wake up and know that while you were sleeping some one was up caring about you and coming up with things to make you happy when you wake up.